NaNo Day 19

We’ve reached that dark shadowy valley in our journey – that hollow full of cobwebs, where doubt lives and ideas come to die.

We’ve come to the slimy pool of reflection, where we realize that everyone else has about a gazillion more words than we do, and who do we think we are thinking we can write a book anyway?

We wonder if this book will ever be finished, and even if we do finish, we’re afraid it won’t matter. Because we’re pretty sure our book is just a pile of garbage.

We really wish we had more sleep.

Word Count: 11730

Feeling: Drained

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NaNo Day 12

Why on earth am I blogging about my (mostly failing) attempt at NaNoWriMo? I am well aware that my journal of this experience is hardly the most interesting of all the NaNo posts on all the NaNo blogs in all the NaNo world.

…so what’s the point, Sam?

I blog because it forces me to write.

If no one reads my chronicle of this experience, it doesn’t matter.

I know it’s here. And that some imaginary person somewhere is expecting it to be here. And that if it’s not here, then I’ve let that person down.

It’s not about letting myself down. I let myself down all the time.

I break promises to myself all the time.

I am the queen of falling short of goals. If I’m the only person holding myself accountable, well then, baby…you can kiss that goal goodbye.

It’s about that imaginary reader who is obsessively checking his blog roll, looking for my update, waiting to hear about my writing today, cheering me on to my goal.

I don’t want to look like an idiot or a quitter in the eyes of that imaginary person. So I keep writing, and I keep blogging.

(I also keep making cupcakes. I should start a side business.)

If it weren’t for this journal, these daily NaNo updates, I would have quit long before. (Like, the second day, when I realized that everything on my schedule that week was double booked and I had to write 1k words a day!)

So what if it’s not the most brilliant blog post around! If it keeps me from quitting, it can be as dry as Miss Melba’s toast and I wouldn’t care.

Word Count: 6458

Feeling: Defiant